As if flying isn't stressful enough...

Many of you have probably seen this story flying around the news - the one about the boy with Down Syndrome who wasn't allowed on an American Airlines flight because "the pilot" thought the boy was a security concern. First of all, how many people have EVER had a pilot standing out at your ticketing gate when you've boarded a flight? Sounds fishy right off the bat. After reading up on the story from several different sources (one of them, a blog I've followed for a while: Noah's Dad) I was reminded of a frustrating travel experience we had a few years ago while flying with Peyton.

So here in Minnesota there's this thing called "spring break" that usually falls in March or April where schools shut down for a week and a lot of families take vacations to escape winter. Most of you are probably thinking, seriously Aimee, we know what spring break is. Well I grew up in Wisconsin and had NO CLUE what spring break was because we never had it. So just wanted to make sure everyone understood the concept. :) Back to my story...spring break - a few years back we were on our way to visit Chad's parents who winter in Ft. Myers, Florida. Peyton was 4 (almost 5) and Carson had just turned 3, and this was probably their 3rd or 4th time flying. They'd always done great so we weren't worried at all. We had all our goodie bags, books, DVD players...we were set. We'd even gone so far as to pay for pre-assigned seats so we didn't have to mess around with that. We parked at the airport and made our way through security and to our gate with plenty of time to spare. While we waited to board we were called to the counter by an agent saying they'd overbooked the flight and that they weren't able to seat us all together. My first thought was, well, if I have to sit alone with the kids - oh well. The agent prints up our new boarding passes and hands them to Chad. Chad looks at them and they're 4 individual seats, each several rows apart...no where NEAR each other. We politely told him that there was no way this would work as we had a 3 year old as well as a 4 year old with special needs. The ticket agent acted annoyed and went back to the computer to search some more. He finally told us he could seat me and one child together, then we could get another seat 8 rows back and another 12 rows back. WHAT? So we again told him that wouldn't work - and he could clearly see our two kids standing there with us. Chad again stated our situation, reminding him that we were flying with a 4 year old with special needs who could not sit alone, as well as a 3 year old. The agent looks at Chad, then at Peyton (who I realize probably looked like she was at least 7 or 8...she's always been big for her age), then back at Chad, rolls his eyes and says in a very condescending irritated voice, "Well sir, we ALL have special needs...". I kid you not, Chad almost went over the counter at the guy and raised his voice to let him know that he had just said THE WRONG thing to THE WRONG PERSON. I whisked the kids away as the situation escalated, but as I walked away I heard a man in line behind Chad who had witnessed the entire incident say to the ticket agent, "You can't say that to him - what on earth are you thinking?!". The agent acted as if Chad was in the wrong for yelling at him after he'd made such a rude comment, which only made matters worse. By this time everyone in the vicinity of our gate had turned to see what all the excitement was about. The agent kept on insisting there was nothing he could do unless Peyton needed assistance due to a physical disability (i.e. a handicap-accessible seat). As I stood off to the side and watched this all unfolding, I couldn't help but feel so incredibly embarrassed and sick about it all. I was holding back tears as Chad continued to try to get it through the gate agent's thick skull that our special needs 4 year old couldn't sit unassisted on a 3.5 hour flight.

Those who know me know that it takes a lot to make me cry. Granted, I've become more of a "softie" since I've had kids, but still...Chad often ever so lovingly refers to me as having a "heart of stone" because I don't weep during sappy movies (or Extreme Makeover: Home Edition - ahem, Chad). But I couldn't hold back the tears. I was angry, embarrassed, hurt, and most of all, I was furious with the lack of understanding and empathy this ticket agent had. I feel like we've worked really hard not to be "that family" who uses their child's disability to their advantage. We'd made arrangements ahead of time (pre-selecting and PAYING FOR assigned seats) to make sure we didn't run in to any issues or wouldn't need to make extra work for anyone. And here we were. My husband was having a screaming match with an ignorant ticket agent while I stood crying about 50 feet away, trying to entertain the kids. Fantastic.

Well, after watching Chad go back and forth with the ticket agent for about 10 minutes, I finally walked over and told Chad it wasn't worth him getting kicked off the flight or even worse, taken away by security for being so worked up. Needless to say, Chad was LIVID...and so was I. We took the kids to the farthest part of the seating area at our gate and tried to regroup. Then the most incredible thing happened...we were absolutely FLOODED with people surrounding us offering to give up their seats so we could sit together with our kids. They'd all witnessed the frustrating turn of events and were shocked at how the situation had been handled (or NOT handled, in my opinion). When we boarded the plane we explained our situation to the flight attendants and they just kept telling us, "We can't do anything about it - please take your seats and we'll announce over the intercom that there are people looking to switch seats". I stood there staring at the one lady thinking to myself, "Seriously, you DO NOT get it. If I try to make my 3 year old sit by a stranger it's going to be a disaster, and it'll be even worse if I tell my 4 year old with special needs that she has to sit with Joe Schmoe on the plane - I don't care if it's just for 5 minutes until you find volunteers to give up their seats".  Several wonderful people instantly stood up and offered their seats to us, which made me want to burst in to tears again. After all that, I plopped down in row 10 with a child on either side of me while Chad made his way back to row 36 to find his seat. As everyone else boarded and walked past me and the kids, I had so many of them give me warm smiles and pat Carson on the head as they walked by....I even had one lady stop to give me a hug. I must have looked totally stressed out. Just before we were about to take off, I felt a tap on my shoulder from an older gentleman sitting in the aisle seat behind me. I turned around and he asked, "Are you the lady who the ticket guy was being a jerk to?". I told him unfortunately, yes. He then asked where Chad was. I told him he'd been given a seat in the back of the plane. This sweet man unbuckled his seat belt, stood up and went to find a flight attendant. He came back and said, "Your husband needs to be sitting with his family - I'd love to switch with him". Gosh, there came those pesky tears again. I can't even tell you how refreshing it was to have complete strangers "get it".  We weren't asking for the moon - we were simply wanting to go on vacation and have the ability to be with & assist our kids without inconveniencing anyone else on the flight. It's not like parents of special needs kids don't already stress out enough about public outings - why on earth can't people try to understand that?

Last night I saw on my super awesome sister-in-law's Facebook wall that her and her family had been interviewed about the American Airlines story because they're parents to the even more super awesome Hope who has Down Syndrome. The clip was short but sweet and I loved what both Therese & Ted had to say...most of all, I loved Hopie's smile!!  Here's the clip:

Minneapolis News and Weather KMSP FOX 9

The moral of this story...make it a point to try and not only use your brain, but also your heart as you choose how to respond to others in situations that may not be ideal. Not everyone's disability is obvious upon first glance. Try to be graceful in your interactions with others because you just never know what battles they've been fighting or what their situation is. As my brother-in-law Ted said in the video, "Everyone has something to offer...". Amen!

Easter Weekend

A few weeks back Peyton and I had the opportunity to hitch a ride with my parents down to visit my Grandma Grace. For those of you who don't know much about her, Grandma is one of the most wonderful ladies I have ever met...and I'm not just saying that because she's my Grandma! For as long as I can remember, she's always been a shining example of what a loving, servant-hearted, godly woman should look like.

My memories of growing up a few miles away from her and Grandpa are so incredibly wonderful! Our days were filled with ice fishing, gardening, going for walks up the dirt road they lived on, swimming in the creek just down the road, spending hours upon hours playing out in the woods, making the world's BEST dill pickles with Grandma, drinking TANG and "kids coffee", gobbling up Grandma's AMAZING spaghetti, going to auctions, bird watching, splitting wood for the winter, visiting neighbors up the road and giggling as they spoke Swedish with Grandma, enjoying a tractor ride from Grandpa...the list could go on and on. I just remember always feeling so excited to hear, "We're heading over to Grandma & Grandpa's house"...even when I was a teenager! We usually spent Sundays with them, going to church together and then after lunch we'd go spend the afternoon/evening with them just hanging out playing games, watching football, listening to the Brewers on the radio, singing around the organ or listening to Grandma play the harmonica. I've probably mentioned this before, but some of my favorite memories of spending time with Grandma was when we'd get to sit with her in church! What a treat! As any good Grandma does, she always had Tic Tacs in her purse for us (my kids are now addicted to these - thanks, Grandma!), but the thing I always loved the most was singing next to her. She has a beautiful alto voice - between my Dad's fantastic tenor voice and my Grandma, I learned how to pick out harmony lines by ear and ever since I was young that's something that has always brought me great joy - singing.

Grandma celebrated her 91st birthday in January and recently her health has begun to deteriorate. But how refreshing it was to walk in the door on the morning of Good Friday and see, despite the fact her body isn't as strong as it once was, she's still got her spunky personality and hilarious wit! We enjoyed a wonderful weekend with Grandma talking about everything from what's going on back home in MN & WI, to Grandma's childhood/upbringing, to all the funny stories from us kids growing up. It was such a special time - and the best part was that Peyton was able to be a part of the weekend and have some time with Grandma, too. I remember back when I first found out I was pregnant with Peyton...we didn't know what we were having, but I knew that if we had a girl I wanted her middle name to be after Grandma (Grace). Peyton Grace...little did I know the day she was born the special connection her and Great Grandma Grace would have. :) And even though we haven't lived as close over the past several years, Peyton still talks about Grandma regularly and those two were like two peas in a pod when we were down to visit. Grandma called Peyton her "bedmate", and Peyton wanted nothing more than to simply lay in bed with Grandma and spend time with her. The first thing she said to Grandma when we got there (once she warmed up and realized it was still the same old Grandma Grace, even if she wasn't able to get out of bed like she could last time we visited) was, "You wanna snuggle with me?". What a special, special weekend, filled with lots of laughter, catching up, and of course, a few tears as reality set in that this could very well be our last visit with Grandma here on earth. But what a comforting thing to know that we'll be able to sing together forever with the Lord in heaven!! :)

Here are a few pictures of Peyton and Grandma from the weekend:















Grandma singing "I Have Decided To Follow Jesus" with Peyton (one of Peyton's favorites!)

















Peyton & Grandma being silly laughing together















Grandma kept talking about how worthless her hands are now and Peyton's response was, "I can hold your hand!"...and she did, every time she crawled up in bed with Grandma
















Peyton showing Grandma her beloved CARS















Weekend "bedmates"

Reality Check

Well it happened. I knew it would sooner or later (obviously, I'd hoped it'd be later), but Peyton had a run-in with some playground bullies yesterday at school. As I walked in to pick Peyton up after school there was the principal...she'd clearly been waiting for me. She pulled me in to the office and explained the situation. Apparently there were these two girls that Peyton has taken a liking to. The principal wasn't exactly sure if Peyton was playing with them or if she was wanting to play with them, but as Peyton's para watched from a short distance these two girls decided they didn't want to play with Peyton. Rather than simply saying to her, "We're all done playing with you" or, "We're playing with someone else", they decided a better option was to line up side-by-side and shove Peyton to the ground. The para witnessed it all and said it wasn't an accident and was obviously intentional. She went running over to see if Peyton was okay (which she was) and she heard Peyton saying to the girls, "You need to say sorry - that's not nice!" in a sad voice as she laid on the ground (Yay, Peyton, for sticking up for yourself verbally!). The girls were escorted inside to the principal's office and the incident was dealt with. They were also walked down to Peyton's classroom later on in the day where they pulled Peyton out in the hallway so the girls could apologize. Overall, the situation was dealt with extremely well. But it still made my heart ache hearing about it...and the "mama bear" in me initially wanted to go find those little twerps and set them straight (yes, I know they're only kindergarteners).

As I drove Peyton to therapy after school we talked a little bit and our conversation went something like this:

Me: So how was your day at school?
Peyton: Good.
Me: Did you learn anything fun?
Peyton: I don't know...maybe something.
Me: Did you get to play with friends today?
Peyton: Yes, some friends not nice to me.
Me: Uh oh, what happened?
Peyton: I wanna play tag with Lexi.
Me: Then what happened?
Peyton: She say she no wanna play with me...she pushed me down. I was sad.
Me: What did you do then?
Peyton: I be sad.
Me: Did anyone help you?
Peyton: Miss Jayne help me stand up and find more friends.
Me: What happened to Lexi?
Peyton: She go in time out - can't play outside.
Me: So what did you do at recess after that happened?
Peyton: I play in the snow...wanna play with more friends.
Me: Did anything else happen at school?
Peyton: Lexi say "Sorry" in the hallway. I was sad. She not being nice to me.
Me: Well, she just made a bad choice...I'm sure she's a nice girl.
Peyton: No wanna fall down again.
Me: I know. If that happens again you just make sure and tell a teacher, okay?
Peyton: I was mad, too.
Me: Well, that's okay to feel sad and mad if someone does something mean to you. But do you ever push them back?
Peyton: No. Wanna be a nice friend. I play with Lexi again?
Me: We'll see...

After our conversation I think I was even more upset than when the principal first told me about it. Hearing Peyton talk about it just made it a lot more "real". And I'm sure some of you who are reading this may be thinking, "Oh brother, every kid gets pushed down at one time or another...this really isn't that big of a deal". Most "typical" kids don't have to listen to the little comments day-in and day-out like, "she talks like a baby" or, "why can't she talk right?" or, "you can't go to school because you can't talk", and they don't have people gawking at them everywhere they go because of how they talk or how they react when they get excited about something (yes, I realize Peyton has no volume control...she's stuck on LOUD)...and I know I'm probably way more sensitive about the comments and the stares than Peyton is. I've come to realize that's just part of being different, unfortunately. So the ignorant comments and stares (from both kids and adults), I can handle...or I should say, I'm learning to handle, but when someone is downright mean, that's a little different. So I'm really trying to NOT make this a big deal and to make this more of a learning experience both for Peyton and myself.

As I said earlier, when I first heard about the situation I wanted to go find those little snot-faced brats and give them a good chewing out. But the more I've thought about it and have talked with Peyton about it (which we've tried to not make a big deal about - we just wanted her to know it's okay to talk about things like this if something happens at school), my mindset has turned from being angry at these kids to realizing being angry isn't going to solve anything...what I should really be doing is praying for these girls so that this type of situation doesn't happen again. Who knows, this could be God's way of teaching these girls that they need to think before they act...and if they were indeed being cruel to Peyton because they didn't want to play with her, maybe they need to take the time to get to know someone before automatically writing them off. Wow, deep for kindergarteners, I know, but still, I'll be praying for these girls and for Peyton that she'll be spared of potential situations like this in the future...and more importantly, that I'll give grace to the offenders the next time something happens. Funny how God uses such a wide variety of situations to teach us things. Love you, Peyton, and I'm proud of you for not getting upset and reacting inappropriately towards those girls! You're a very, very special girl!!

READING!!!

Well, once again, I've been forced to eat my words. Several months ago as Chad and I were talking about Peyton entering a mainstream all-day kindergarten class we were talking about what reasonable expectations were for Peyton given her disability. I distinctly remember saying, "Well, I certainly don't think reading will come during kindergarten for her...it didn't for me!". *GULP!* Just ate those words...Peyton has been coming home with little books to read for homework a couple of times per week. At first she was excited about doing her homework, but then the novelty wore off. She fought doing homework unless it was on her terms, which was a bit frustrating. But then the past week or so she's really been wanting to work on her homework. Last night she did AWESOME reading her book!!! Watching her made me want to jump up and down screaming "WAY TO GO, PEYTON & YAY GOD!!!!" (and THANK YOU to all the teachers/paras/therapists/family/friends who have helped her get to this point!!). I realize this is just the beginning of what, realistically, will be a long road through school, but we're gonna take every chance we can to celebrate each step Peyton takes...even if it seems small and insignificant to some people. Keep up the GREAT work Peyton - we love you!!



(Sorry about Carson's added "bathroom noises")

Beautiful

This morning I overheard Carson say to Peyton "You're so beautiful!" as she came walking downstairs in her mismatched outfit she'd put on. I smiled and was once again reminded just how thankful I am for my two little sweeties. Then a friend sent me a link to a video this morning, and of course, I bawled thinking back to Carson's comment this morning...crazy how God ties things together like this. Yesterday I was talking with my friend Amy about how the world often views having a child with special needs as a "burden", when in fact, it's such a blessing because God uses them to teach us SO many things that we otherwise would have overlooked or missed out on. Some food for thought - Enjoy!

The First Week

Well, Peyton is LOVING kindergarten and has been coming home full of things to share with us. Usually she's pretty tight lipped about her day, but after the first day of kindergarten she talked the ENTIRE 25 minute car ride to therapy. She told me about going in the gym with Mr. Fischer (The P.E. teacher) and "jumping". She told me about going in "the little gym" to eat lunch, and about some friends having "hot lunch". Then she told me she didn't need her snack because it was Holly's birthday and they sang Happy Birthday to her. She also told me about seeing some of her other friends from last year's preschool class in the hallway. I sat there wishing so desperately that I some sort of hidden camera feature in the car so that I could've been recording all of this. The funniest part was the way she was talking - like she was a old pro with this school thing. She kept using phrases like "Well, I think so" and "Um, yeah, then we did..." and "Let me think...".

Yesterday Peyton came home and instantly tore into her backpack to show me her stuff she'd brought home. I happened to have the camera close by so I recorded her showing off what she'd done at school. She "read" me two stories, like she was the teacher and I was a student. :) Then all last night she was "Mrs. Ward" and I kept hearing her saying things like "Okay, class time for gym" or "Now it's time for lunch - grab your lunch bags". We had to remind her this morning before we left for school that when she's at school she's PEYTON, not Mrs. Ward. Hopefully she remembers that and doesn't take over Mrs. Ward's class!!

Oh, and Peyton also told me, "I have a new Grandma on the bus. She has hearing aids. She's old. Her name is Linda." The bus Peyton rides is driven by an older lady and then there's a para that rides with the kids who is even older...Peyton's in heaven and wants to ride the bus "every day all day with my Grandma" she told me. Love it.

I think it's safe to say kindergarten is a big hit!!

Torn

That's how I'm feeling tonight thinking about my sweet 'lil Peyton girl starting kindergarten. I thought I was all prepared for this, but obviously, I'm not completely. I thought I had "one up" on all the other moms of kindergartners because exactly 3 years ago I'd been almost physically ill thinking about dropping off my non-verbal special needs 3-year-old at the Early Childhood Special Ed Preschool for 4 half-days per week. How would she be able to communicate? How would anyone know if she needed something? How would she do getting around the classroom & playground since she had only been walking for a couple of months? How would anyone ever figure her out? How could I ship her off to a bunch of strangers who hadn't really even met her? Those were the thoughts I struggled with on the eve of Labor Day 2007. I very vividly remember crying myself to sleep that night after letting these thoughts get the best of me. The next morning I dropped her off and held it together until I got back out to the car...then I sat and bawled. You hear the stereotypical stories about moms who drop their babies off at school for their first day of kindergarten (or ECSE in my case) and how difficult it is, well, throw in a handful of special needs to the mix and boy howdy, you've got the makings of a MAJOR CryFest.





















I've been thinking about how this is all going to play out for the past few days and finally today I started thinking back to that first day when I dropped Peyton off for ECSE preschool. She didn't cry. She wasn't clingy. She didn't even look back for me when I turned to leave the room. She sat there taking it all in. New people, new sounds, new smells, new schedules, new opportunities. Remembering back to that first day really started to change my view on the first day of kindergarten. Yes, I'm sure I'll shed a tear or two, but probably not for the same reasons all the other moms will be. My tears will be tears of joy and of pride seeing my baby, who we were told was developmentally equivalent to approximately a 10-12 month old on her first day of ESCE preschool, walking in to a mainstream all-day kindergarten classroom. Wow, she's come SO far. I can't even explain how incredible it is to see her personality, her sweet spirit, her witt, and her amazing mind all coming out after years of therapy and lots of work here at home. From day one I could always tell when I looked in to her eyes that she was a bright little sweetheart, and to see her finally able to express everything that's been bottled up inside for so long just makes me want to jump up and down with excitement!!

My prayer as Peyton starts kindergarten is that others will take the time to realize what a treasure she is and what amazing things she has to offer. I pray that her peers will be accepting of her little quirks. I pray that her teacher, Mrs. Ward, and the classroom para professional will be able to quickly relate to Peyton and understand her speech. I pray that she will also "get" Peyton just as the two ECSE teachers Peyton had were able to. I pray that Peyton will be able to stay focused and engaged in a classroom full of kids. I pray that Chad and I will have wisdom working with the staff to ensure we're doing everything we can to help Peyton be successful. And most importantly, I pray that others will see the light of Jesus shine through Peyton.

Have a great first day of school everyone!!

A Whole New Level of "Sweetness"

After an action-packed 4th of July weekend, Carson came down with some sort of strange bug...probably from ingesting too much lake water, but who knows. We came back from Chad's sister & her husband's cabin Monday afternoon, then the kids spent most of Tuesday with Grandma & Papa Libby while I attempted to catch up on some work. That evening we had a highly nutritious meal of Dominoes pizza for dinner with Grandma & Papa. Carson didn't seem to be real hungry, but he was convinced to eat most of his pizza so he could have a popsicle for dessert. The rest of the evening he just lounged around and I didn't really think anything of it after our crazy weekend - I just figured he was tired. Well he zonked out on the bed at Grandma's house while watching TV, and as I scooped him up to take him home I noticed he felt really warm. We took him home and I brought him right up in to the bathroom to take his temperature. He was sitting on the counter and, of course, Peyton wanted to be right in the middle of all the action, so she chose the toilet in THAT bathroom to use as she got ready for bed. So imagine this - Carson on the counter top, myself digging in the cupboard looking for the thermometer, and Peyton sitting on the throne yelling "Daddy, I'm done!" - then in walked Chad. You can probably guess what happened next. Yep, Carson projectile vomited all over everyone...and all over the entire bathroom. Yum. Pizza, popsicle and who knows what all over the 4 of us...and Peyton saying "Ewwwwwww! That's YUCKY!! GROSS, GROSS, GROSS!!". Chad and I devised a plan of attack for dealing with the disaster area and within a half hour everything was cleaned up, the kids were bathed and we had the good 'ol air mattress set up in our bedroom for Carson to sleep on. By this time he was so tired he crawled up in to bed and wanted the lights turned out. Peyton on the other hand was all wound up. She kept talking about Carson being sick and how it was "Yucky" when she was going potty and he got sick - she was completely flipped out. Chad was doing everything he could to get her to calm down, but to no avail. Then all of the sudden Peyton goes in to her bedroom and comes back holding a picture of her friend Carter. This picture is one that Carter and his Mom sent to Peyton last winter when she was sick - it's a picture of Carter holding a sign that says "I hope you feel better soon Peyton! Love, Carter". She absolutely ADORES this picture and I've actually had to print out several copies of it because she's worn the others out from carrying it around with her. Peyton took the picture and laid it on top of Carson's tummy and said "This will make you feel better - Carter says 'hope you feel better now'". It was all I could do to not burst in to tears watching her sweet little self so worried about her brother and offering her beloved picture to him so that he'd feel better. Chad and I stood there smiling at each other, both with tears in our eyes after witnessing such a genuine and heartfelt gesture. Peyton finally did settle down and Carson settled in for a good nights rest, too...with his picture of Carter holding his sign right next to him on the air mattress.

Jockey Peyton

Well, I know I've been bad about keeping all 4 of my readers up to date with what's going on, but there's just SO much going on these days!! Peyton is almost ready to head down to Canterbury Downs now after her 4th session of therapeutic riding - she's LOVING it!! It's amazing to watch her on her horse (who's named "Bay") - she looks like an old pro. They've started working with her using the reins and she's been doing very well. Each session as we're driving away, Peyton says "Wanna go back. Need to ride Bay more.". I'm excited to see how she continues to improve as the months progress!!

There's Always A Plan...

Have you ever had a situation where you think you know what you're in for, but then *BAM*, out of no where God turns it in to something completely different than what you expected? That happened to me today.

This morning we headed over to Victory Riders for Peyton's first therapeutic riding session. We'd gone out over the weekend and purchased a helmet, I had filled out the necessary paperwork and also had our pediatrician fill out the form she needed to...we were all set. When we entered the horse arena Peyton got a little quiet and was taking everything in. Her riding partner arrived and we met her for the first time. What a perfect fit - Peyton's partner is a very sweet 23-year-old young lady with Downs Syndrome named Allison. As Allison walked in the door Peyton started jumping up and down yelling "Hope's here!!" and went running over to say hi. We have a niece who Peyton ADORES who also has Downs, so how perfect that Peyton has been paired up with Allison, who is the spitting image of her cousin she loves so much!

As they began the session I sat with Allison's mom on the viewing deck. We talked briefly about our kids and then sat quietly to watch the girls ride. Peyton was pretty hesitant to get on her horse, but the lead therapist and owner, Shelly, helped her get up on the horse and then they were off. Earlier in the morning I'd glanced at my planner and was going down the list of "places to be" today and had walked in to the therapy session with Peyton in sort of a fog...almost with the feeling of "okay, here we go...another therapy appointment". Sure, I knew this was a great opportunity for Peyton, but I had NO idea what this half hour would do for ME.

Peyton's therapists walked her around the arena for a couple of laps to get her used to the feeling of being up on the horse. Then they played a game of "follow the leader" with Allison as the leader - Peyton loved that! Then they stopped the horse in the middle of the arena and I saw Shelly say something...Peyton bowed her head and folded her hands. Shelly and the other 2 volunteers also bowed their heads and I could faintly hear a bit of their prayer. They prayed for God to bless Peyton in everything she did all the way from the top of her head (then they touched her helmet) to the bottom of her toes (then they touched her toes). As I sat there listening, I got tears in my eyes watching, and I was reminded once again just how incredibly blessed we are that God has placed so many tremendous people in our path who care so much for Peyton - even these strangers we'd just met seemed to have a sincere desire to see God bless her and work in her life. I can't even describe how humbling that was to watch. I'm sure Allison's mom thought I was a basketcase as I sat there wiping my eyes long after Peyton had closed the prayer with her signature overly enthusiastic "AMEN!", but boy, oh boy, did that ever touch my heart. So a situation I went into thinking I knew exactly what to expect turned out to be one that brought me to tears and helped me once again to see exactly what God knew I needed to see...that He has a plan and has very specifically laid out every detail in every situation we encounter. Thank you, Lord, for opening my eyes this morning when I was feeling tired, overwhelmed and, just plain weary of the life You chose for me.

Perspective

This evening Peyton and I got to attend a super fun birthday party with a bunch of Peyton's friends. We all met up at Jo-Ann Fabrics and had a craft party in one of the classrooms - complete with pizza, cupcakes and lots of little girly giggles. While the party was a lot of fun, it was one of those times where the fact that Peyton is different pretty much slapped me right in the face. Tonight was definitely a reality check, especially as we're gearing up for Peyton to be placed in a mainstream classroom in the fall for kindergarten. I couldn't help but notice some of the looks Peyton got from girls who haven't spent much time with her. All of the girls were absolute sweethearts and they weren't doing anything wrong - they were just being curious kids, wondering why Peyton acts differently than all the other kids. I know I should just be able to ignore the looks after six years, but man, some days it just really eats away at me. Like I said, none of the girls did anything wrong or said anything, they just looked. Some stared. Others took quick glances up from their projects every time Peyton squealed with excitement. And as usual, I just kept right on helping Peyton, talking to her saying things like "Isn't this exciting, Peyton?!?" and "Wow, Peyton, are you having fun?!?" in an attempt to subtly let the girls know that this was a REALLY big thing for Peyton and she shows her excitement differently than most almost-six year old girls do.

We did some really fun crafts, the first of which was painting treasure boxes. Oh boy. Painting. So, of course, Peyton was more interested in finger painting on the table than painting a tiny little wooden box. All the other girls sat there working intently on decorating their boxes with specific patterns, some with stripes, others with polka dots. And then there was Peyton - happily attempting to mix all her paints together and making a hand print on the table, then shouting "Mom, look - my hand!". More stares...and rightfully so. The directions of keeping the paint on the paint trays and off the table that the Jo-Ann Fabrics employee who was leading our party had given were not being followed by Peyton. But thankfully, the party leader quickly recognized that Peyton needed a little more attention than the other girls did, and she was absolutely wonderful. She went out of her way to tell Peyton how beautiful her painting on the treasure box was. Peyton stopped what she was doing, looked up and said "Thank you. You the teacher?". I couldn't help but smile.

The next craft we did was making beaded bracelets - every little girl's DREAM project, right? They all oohed and aahed as the lady told them what we'd be doing next. Peyton didn't respond...until the lady came walking in from the other room with a ginormous container of beads. Peyton literally SCREECHED in excitement and yelled "BEANS!!!!!!!". Yep. Here we go. One of Peyton's absolute FAVORITE things to do is play in any kind of sensory bin/table. At school the first place she goes is the sensory bins. At Grandma's house she has a cake pan full of dried pinto beans that she loves to sift through for hours. At Target the highlight of our shopping experience for her is playing in the water at the drinking fountains. The girl just LOVES anything sensory. So the party leader was trying to explain to the girls that they needed to count out about 25 beads in order to make their bracelets. Well Peyton was so extremely excited about the "beans" being set down right in front of her that she was seriously YELLING, "I HAVE BEANS!!!!!!" and running her hands through all the beads, dumping them all over the table and on to the floor - right as the lady had specifically asked that the girls be extra careful to NOT spill beads on the floor. To me this was funny because Peyton was having SO much fun (and I was planning to clean the beads up that she had spilled). But to all of the other girls it was puzzling. Again, the party helper did a wonderful job complimenting Peyton on her bracelet that she made. Okay, really I made most of it - Peyton strung 2 beads then went back to playing with the "beans".

The last craft project we did was decorating our own cupcakes. Oh dear. Multiple tubes of ooey, gooey frosting in various staining colors just waiting for Peyton to squeeze all over everything. I asked Peyton if I could help her, but she insisted on doing it herself - so I let her. As she squeezed half the tube of purple on her cupcake I told her she did a good job and needed to make sure she saved some for the other girls. Then she saw the sprinkles. Before I could stop her, she stood up, grabbed them and began shaking them everywhere while she hollered out "It's a shaky egg!!", the lyrics from one of her music therapy songs in which they use shakers. And of course the lid to the sprinkles was not on tight so sprinkles flew everywhere around the room - on the floor, in my hair, across the table onto the counter...everywhere. Again, more stares. The party helper had specifically told the girls NOT to touch the sprinkles until everyone was done putting on their icing. I was a little flustered and tried to clean up some of the sprinkles, but once again, the party helper was great - she kept her cool and said, "Okay girls, it looks like Peyton started us off with the sprinkles - who else is ready for theirs?" as if it was no big deal. I secretly wanted to go over and give the lady a hug.

Once we'd finished our crafts and eaten our cupcakes it was time to open presents. Peyton was very excited for her friend to open her gift. The whole drive in to the party Peyton had been saying from the back seat, "I'm gonna give a clue for my present - it's green". She'd picked out a pretty green dress that she insisted her friend would like. Well Peyton's gift ended up being the last one that was opened, so the whole time Peyton's yelling "Where's my gift?", "You wanna open MY gift?". More stares. I kept reassuring her that her gift was coming up soon. Then it came - her friend was reaching for our gift and Peyton stood up out of her chair and yelled "OPEN IT!!!!!!!!!! IT'S GREEN!!!!", and began jumping up and down enthusiastically. Stares. Then the gifts were all opened and all the girls were gathered around the birthday girl, admiring her Littlest Pet Shop toy she'd gotten...all the girls except for Peyton, who was happily playing with the pile of tissue paper left over from all the gift bags.

*Sigh*

There's just no getting around it. Peyton is different. She'll probably never fit into a category people consider normal. I thought I was okay with that - and that I'd gone through my so-called grieving process in an attempt to come to grips with all of this. But like I've read on so many special needs blogs, here I was right in the middle of another stage of the grieving process. Not that I was having a pity party for myself, but instead my heart just ached and longed for everyone else in the world to see what a unique and special girl Peyton is. Sure, she doesn't always have the "right" response to situations, and, sure, she sometimes does things completely unexpected, but she's still a little girl just like all the other little girls that sat around the table with her tonight. She has SO much to offer people if they could just take a step back and give her the benefit of the doubt. Don't mind my the "mom" in me talking here...just needed to get that out there.

As the party wrapped up, the other girls' parents came to pick them up. They all beamed as they took their special crafts over to show their parents what they'd created. I stuck around and helped clean up a bit as the last of the girls left. Peyton was walking around the room talking loudly and randomly singing songs. As I was pulling down streamers and balloons, I turned and saw the party helper walk over to Peyton. She leaned down to Peyton's level and told her she had a surprise for Peyton. She told Peyton to hold out her hand. Peyton looked up at her, smiled, and held out her hand. The lady dropped several shiny beads in to Peyton's hand and told her they were something special she could take home with her to put in her treasure box. Peyton kept smiling and said, "Thank you for having us!". The lady smiled warmly and told her, "Thank YOU for coming - you made my night, Peyton". I kept cleaning up, but couldn't help feel more at peace with how the evening had gone after seeing, that, despite the fact I felt as though we stuck out like a sore thumb, God had used Peyton to touch the heart of this stranger.

Perspective. That was the word that God placed on my heart as I kept running through my head how the evening had played out. I held back tears laying next to Peyton as I tucked her in to bed after she whispered "I wuv you Mommy". I need to keep everything in perspective. I need to realize that God knew EXACTLY what He was doing when He made Peyton. He knew she'd have the ability to make an impact on complete strangers simply by her joyous spirit. He knew she'd love "beans". He knew she'd love music. He knew she'd have a genuine compassion for others. He knew she'd have a quirky, silly sense of humor. He knew she'd love macaroni and cheese. He knew she'd have an incredible ability to remember people's birthdays. He knew she'd be viewed by others as different. But that's how He intended Peyton to be. Different.

Psalm 139:13-16

"For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be"

Peyton the Chatterbox!!

Some of you have already seen these, but for those of who aren't on Facebook, check out Peyton's latest and greatest!!!

Here she is singing "Baby Bumblebee":



And here she's showing us what she learned at school:

Progress!!!

Back in the fall I posted an update on how Peyton was doing with everything, but I thought it was about time for another quick update. For those of you who don't know, the biggest challenge right now for Peyton is her speech. She gets speech therapy at school and then we take her to two private speech appointments each week also. It's often hard to describe how her speech is improving to people, so I figured the best way is to show a couple of video clips - it makes it easier to see the progress!!

So here's a short clip of Peyton trying to sing the ABCs back in September:



And here's one I took this afternoon of her singing - check out the progress!! (She's also drugged up on cold meds and we'd just gotten home from a long day of daycare, school & then speech therapy - so that's why she seems a little out of it!!)



Then here's a bonus clip of her singing "Zaccheus":



Way to go, Peyton!!!