I am not alone!

A few weeks ago I was feeling really overwhelmed and very discouraged about things - mostly things to do with Peyton. Don't get me wrong, I'm SO incredibly proud of what great things she's accomplished in the past few years, but there are days I can't help but sit and wonder what the future holds. Right now we're really struggling with potty training. She "gets" the idea, but she's deathly afraid of going on the potty...she'll sit there for a total of about 2 seconds, then she gets tears in her eyes and says "all done". We have managed to get her to go in the bathroom on her own when she has to go #2, so that's a big step, but I still just want so badly for her to be fully potty trained!! I think it'll be a big confidence booster for her, plus selfishly, I sure could do without the judgmental glances from people when we walk into a public restroom with a pull-up in hand. Well, as I was trying to do my best to focus on the positive things we've got going on in our life and with Peyton, I stumbled across a great blog that a few moms of special needs kids have created. It's a devotional site designed specifically for these moms to talk about the struggles they're facing in relation to different bible studies they're going through. Right now they're doing the Joyce Meyers study "Never Give Up!", and as I read through some of the posts I just broke down and cried. FINALLY! Someplace to find some spiritual encouragement from someone who is walking down the same road as me!!! The tears were complete tears of JOY, because the past three and a half years since we received Peyton's diagnosis have been very tough spiritually. As hard as all my friends may try to understand some of the struggles I'm facing, there's really no way for them to fully understand. I do have to say, though, that I have so many amazing friends who have surrounded me and are always there to celebrate the accomplishments and work through the set-backs with Peyton - and for that I am incredibly grateful!!

As I read through the devotional blog post this morning on the "Spectrum Spirit" site, there was one part that hit me like a ton of bricks that I want to share:

Waiting on the Lord...
"When success does not come easily, when we find ourselves frustrated and weary in our efforts, we need to wait for the Lord." -Joyce Meyer page 118
That's where I feel like I'm at right now, waiting on the Lord. I'll be honest with you, my son just turned 7 last month and this is not where I thought we'd be. Even when they gave us his diagnosis four years ago, I always thought by the time he was 5 he'd catch up to his twin brother. Then when he turned 5 my thoughts turned to he'd catch up by the time he was 7. He's now 7. Don't get me wrong. I am so thankful and feel so incredibly blessed by him and all of the progress he's made. However, my dream of my son being completely healed from autism is not working out to my timing. I believe God is trying to pull me closer to Him during this time and something is keeping me from getting closer. I'm not sure what. But, after reading this chapter, I'm going to spend more time waiting on Him. I am thankful that Joyce included in this chapter what exactly it means to "wait on the Lord" because I really needed some help with this. On page 118 Joyce says "it simply means spending time with Him, being in His presence, meditating on His Word, worshiping Him, keeping Him at the center of our lives." She then writes "While we wait, we need to aggressively expect God to do great things in us and in our lives." I believe that God still wants me to research all of the different therapies, supplements and biomedical treatments out there for my son. I also believe he wants me to spend as much time as I possibly can playing and being there with him. I don't think that by "waiting" for Him, He just wants me to do nothing. He wants me to continue doing what I'm doing for my son but take the time to be with my Father as well so that I know what He needs for me to do. I also know that for me, the more time I spend with God, the better my attitude, my outlook and my emotions are. Remember what Joyce says on page 121..."Waiting on the Lord does not have to be complicated. Just put Him at the top of your priority list. He wants you to have and enjoy a quality of life you may be missing because you are not spending time with Him."

Wow. I feel like if you just replaced the references to this woman's son with "daughter" and replaced the references to autism with "global apraxia" this paragraph pretty much explains my spiritual struggles I've been wrestling with. I can't even tell you how excited I am to continue reading this blog and receiving encouragement and spiritual food from it! Thank you God for reminding me that I am not alone!!


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